Resolute, Resolutions Resistant

 I never put much stock in new year resolutions. Never put much stock in stock, for that matter. I don’t like going about life relying too heavily on vows or promises by myself (or folks like stock brokers). I prefer to invest my hopes in things that are more certain. Like most anything that’s already happened. I use ta figger that was pretty sure? Somehow, while reading the news, I occasionally find even that ain’t the case nowadays!

 The few resolutions I mighta made over the years were (conveniently) too long ago to recall. Apparently they never “took”, since most of my bad habits are still quite firmly (happily) in place. (Ok, there were a couple vows I made that took..., but the marriages didn’t?)

 I’ve read that folks make a lot of resolutions about their weight? Mostly people wanting to get rid of some of it (or at least move it around?). The skinny folks amongst us kinda keep their mouths shut about weight (‘cept when ordering that “death by chocolate” dessert). Not wanting to draw attention to their own admirable appetite restraint.

Actually just their luck in the gene (jeans?) pool. My own waistline hasn’t suffered from vowing to lose weight and then failing at it? I feel pretty good about that. Thing is, I border on what most folks might call skinn.., umm, slim. I don’t ‘spose that would count as a resolution never made, could it?

 I have on occasion (like lots of folks) vowed to get into better physical shape? However, with all the holiday feasting, new years probly ain’t the best time for that. So instead, I do it several times throughout the year. I kinda like the thought of doin’ it (getting in better shape). But not enough to actually touch any excercise equipment for my own personal use.

 I tried push-ups a few years back but it hurt. So I quit after (in the middle of) the third one. I think (often) about how good walking is (‘spose to be) for a person? Generally about a half-block into doing it, my ole legs over-rule my good intentions (and I limp back to the car). But the vows sound so nice! I make another one, darn near everytime I’m (slowly) huffing my way up the stairs.

 I’m in such pitiful shape, most of my doctors just try to keep me afloat, without tryin’ to “improve” me? Heck, I blame most of my aches and pains on them anyway! They certainly haven’t read clear through them “Warnings” on all the medicines they encourage me to gobble down daily! Labels on about half of ‘em say, “... may cause painful joints, muscle aches, stiffness, sore butt, blurred thinkin’...” (and lots more fearful soundin’ stuff)

 So I figure it’s best to avoid the strain of actual physical excercise? Just considerin’ it often brings trauma. Don’t wanna make things any worse than they already are, ya know! So I remain staunchly stagnant..., er, I mean safely sedentary? 

 Seems a lotta folks git ta’ resolvin’ to “get out of debt” as a new years resolution? Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me to start then. I mean they’ve barely finished spending almost as many (credit-card) dollars buying gifts as they’ve consumed in calories with holiday meals!

 Apparently, they git all that tryptophan into their systems and get (stupid) oops..., meant drowsy? They fergit, the postal service doesn’t take much break in mail delivery? Lotsa holiday time off sure, but no slow-up in bill deliveries! Consequently, just about the time folks get ready to “pay off” their bills, all those credit card statements show up! Might better save this particular resolution until right after that next big pay-raise comes along? (and good luck with both).

Seems to me this oughta ‘bout cover the important stuff found on folks “Big Resolutions” checklists?

 Well! Except maybe: Hopin’ for world peace, hitting the lottery, becoming famous (a new one big among the young folks?), avoiding the draft (oops, now that “used” to be big among the young folks), quitting smoking, (make that one myself, several times a year), spend more time with family, (prayin’ to get along with ‘em while doing it?). And finally, one of my personal favorites! Hoping more people (once again) actually read and learn (forsaken) American history, (maybe saving America itself).

 I Don’t Know About You..., I’ve found the surest way to avoid the heartbreak widely recognized as “Resolution Implementation Failure” Is to live by the headline above. Might be best for you to evolve and “Resolve” the same?