Killin’ Cats..., and Old Ladies

I’ll bet you and I’ve both owned a few pets over the years? I never really “owned” the animals who lived in my house. When they were “in” my house is the key here. If they’d lived out in the yard or barn, I might have owned them? But in the house they simply lived there, like me. I had to do most of the work (and all the buyin’) but I’m not complaining.
 Dogs never actually had equal say in how the house was run or anything. They mostly  lived their lives as they pleased (within limits). They kinda knew their limits after a strict basic training course was completed. Strict in the sense that learning the rules equated to staying alive. Knowing precisely when to stop running on command could keep one just shy of dyin’ on the highway. Stay, sit, come, down, spit that out, pee here, poop there. Well you get the idea, we all knew what was expected of us.
Everyone knew where his or her bed was (the foot of mine seemed to appeal to too many). Dining areas were roughly outlined. Shared amongst friends when necessary, kinda “boarding house” style? A certain amount of “reaching across” allowed, but no fighting over desserts! Toys and blankies were community property. Possession is not 9/10s of the law in dog worlds (size does matter).
 I’ve had a few birds and lots of fish. Birds were just a mess in the making. They never sang (or talked) as advertised. Died of “unknown causes” at the drop of a hat. If they strayed near the ceiling fan, I always felt they died of natural causes. Never kept many birds, and the ones I had didn’t stay around that long?
 Once installed sixteen “song birds’” in fancy cages on my screen-porch in south Florida. The cost of them and all the requisite paraphernalia set me back a pretty penny. I never amortized it out, but I’m pretty sure it exceeded my mortgage payment? Because “unknown causes” (or a frost?) killed ‘em all in under three weeks!
 Fish were much easier to manage. Put ‘em into a large (50 gallon) tank and feed ‘em! Entertained friends, relatives and me for years! Sure, some of ‘em died ‘bout every month? But it wasn’t a big loss, I never was on speakin’ terms with ‘em. Just went out and bought replacements. Replacements were easy (but costly) and new ones looked exactly like the ones who’d passed on. I figured they “passed on” just like “real” animals (and people)? Even though they passed on with a simple flush.
 I reserve funerals (and airplane trips home) mainly for dogs! We once flew one home from Florida for burial here. Ok, I admit it, cats get funerals too. But no plane trips! (gotta draw the line somewhere).
 I bring all this up ‘cuz I believe most folks love and take good care of their pets? (If your pets live outdoors, I’m less sure).
 So why is it so many nice old ladies keep killin’ cats?! I’m pretty sure it’s them doin’ most of the cat killin’ these days? (use to be teenagers, cars and mean dogs). I once worked at a paper where I learned the real culprits were sweet, little old ladies.
 How did I deduce this, you gasp? By applying simple mathematical study on my part! You already know how much I dislike math, so it had to be “simple” right? Nearly every week we’d print free ads for lost pets. Then we began to print free ads for free kittens or puppies. There were rarely any “free” puppies. People are silly enough to pay, even for “mutt” puppies.
 But almost every week there were ads for free kittens! Cute, adorable, loves children (nearly always a lie), long haired, short haired, tri-colored, ready next week, and finally “litter trained”. As if every cat ever born wasn’t (self) house broken by the time they were six weeks old!? No “training” necessary. Unless the kittens (or owner?) were inbred nine ways to sunday.
 Many of those kittens ultimately end up “dropped off” somewhere in the first year (or in a shelter). If those sweet little old ladies (and everyone else) truly loved their cats this would never happen! They’d have all their cats neutered. There’d no longer be “free kittens” to give away. I’m sure neutering would lessen the killin’ over the long run.
 I don’t know about you...,  but I’d wager we might even git the cat killin’ rate below Philadelphias murder rate?
Cal Teeple, sole fulltime member of the Observational Cogitation Consortium can often be found three stools down from you. He may be ignored, accosted or contacted at: twinews@wayneindependent.com.