As time passes it grows harder to park your bu.. oops, I mean vehicle, all the time. Started back around 1951 when the town fathers put in the first parking meters? Been a growing problem ever since. Used to be the main problem was growing tension between the town fathers wantin’ to empty the nickels and dimes (and five dollar bills) out of drivers pockets while the business owners coveted the rest of it.

 But it’s grown into a larger problem of where to somehow park all the myriad vehicles that come to town. Years back the vehicle numbers were much fewer than now. There was room then not only for the shoppers (who mostly came only Saturdays). There was even room for the clean-up wagon crews to pause long enough to scoop up the umm..., manure dropped by all the shoppers’ horse-powered wagons. Nowadays most of the manure comes in the form of endless blather about where to park the cars?

 A few weeks ago the folks (nominally) in charge found a partial solution? Do away with using a few (metered) spots (over)used by “workers” and rent space for them to park at the south end of town!  Keepin’ ‘em from takin’ up the parking spaces meant for payin’ customers near stores of their choice. Trade-off meant doing away with free (if you could find it) parking on friday nights and saturdays (figures!).

 Somehow I don’t picture folks (workers) parking at the far south end of town making the trek to jobs uptown (‘specially in dead of winter?). I mean how likely are they to slog half a mile (or more) up the street facing 20 below zero winds roarin’ down from up Equinunk way while they trudge uptown to work? While before they could keep the heater runnin’ right up until they hopped out to feed the meter?

 Speaking of feeding the meter, it’s finally come to the attention of the folks in charge that the money they’ve been collecting in fines (real parking revenue) might not even be theirs?! Someone finally squawked loud enough to be heard. Many folks (even me) had noticed for a long time that parking near the local house of justice was more a kinda crap-shoot. If you haven’t had to go to court (or get a dog license) you might not have played this little game?

 The spaces over there have always been too close together. First off, you need to be either drivin’ a little bitty car (the size of a little red wagon). And you better be participatin’ in the local weight losin’ contest, because once you maneuver into a spot, you won’t be able to open the door of your car.

Sorta like “planned obsolescence” in car design, these spots were designed to distract you as you tried to ease in without scratchin’ the car on either side. That way, (after you drop the rear seats and crawl out the trunk) you’ll certainly have no clue which meter is yours, once you dust yourself off and stroll ‘round front to feed “your” meter.

 Sure, there are some (more or less invisible) lines on the pavement marking out “your” parking spot. But they’re under the chassis of the car next to yours, so you can’t really be sure which one might be yours? It’s kind of a coin toss deciding which meter might belong to you (long as you have quarters to feed it). Once you think you’ve figured which is yours, (nearly always the one with that annoying little “red-eye” blinkin’ empty). By the time you crawl back through the trunk to find two more quarters under the seats, you’ll have to study the situation again once you get back to those two-headed meters.

 Pick the wrong one..., pay a fine. Another little hidden way the boro has had of makin’ up revenue “short-falls”. But finally that random consumer cried loud enough (in the newspaper). The cities’ solution (?) “paint the lines” more clearly.

Some solution! I doubt it’ll cause them spaces to git wider or actually identifiable? ‘Spose we should be grateful they’ll remain diagonal spaces? I mean if they remained that size, but required folks to “parallel” park, everyones quarters would run out, waitin’ on todays intrepid drivers to park?

 Meanwhile, the only Real Solution to parking in town is to Think Bigger! We have the “Park and Shop” lot conveniently located right in the middle of town that works just swell.

 I don’t know about you..., I believe it needs grow into a multi-level parking structure, and soon!

Cal Teeple, founder of the Observational Cogitation Consortium is often found three stools down from you. He may be ignored, accosted or contacted at: twinews@wayneindependent.com OR on The New Website at: wayneindependent.com.