Another article in the paper recently has brought me to the point where I feel it’s ok to speak out about “elective” surgery (of all things). I’ve only had one surgical “procedure” done on my body. That was some years back when they made a hole in me to stick in a “new” kidney. Not actually “new”, but being a gift from a fellow I never met, I took it and have thought of it as “new” ever since. My reason for calling it new was because my own kidneys had grown “old” before I did.

 I didn’t really “elect” to have the surgery. But the doctors insisted it was the only way to get it in there. I had been (naively) hoping that some other way might be found. Maybe one that might allow me to just swallow it? Being thoroughly familiar with eating I trusted that way of getting things inside me. Seemed way better than have some stranger poke holes in me with sharp tools. So it was not actually what I’da called an “elective” surgery. Still, if I had not “elected” to have it done, I’d be writing this from a far different place? Certainly not in this dimly lit little room wearing my housecoat and slippers.

 The article in the paper discussed how so many folks are having “reverse” elective plastic surgery!? Seems to me (too) many people have “elective’ surgery in the first place? That’s when they decide to have someone invade their body with sharp instruments because they elect to, rather than just to save their life. Usually to change some part of themselves so it will “look” different? Those of us who’ve been around awhile know mother nature will do that for you eventually (at no charge). But some folks just can’t wait.

 People have “elective” surgeries for more reasons than you or I could even dream up. But mostly just to “change” something. Sure, there are some truly helpful “elective” surgeries. Like maybe getting a little “fix ‘er up” to convince a recalcitrant nose to let air in and out?

 Now that I think about it, I had that done myself some years back. After that operation my nose once again let my lungs have access to air. The rest of me has been thankful ever since! I might say I was never happy with the cute little “up-turn” that the surgeon left on my nose? But thankfully, given time it regained it’s original family “droop” and finally looked more like me. See, mother nature (or father time?) at work.

 The article in the paper said roughly half (!) the elective plastic surgeries done today are to “correct” what an earlier surgery did wrong?! Things like eye surgeries that leave patients eyes looking like their owners are in a constant state of surprise (at seeing anything). Or worse, like witnessing an accident is putting them to sleep (Kenny Rogers comes to mind). Ending up with a nose that looks more like a neighbors than grandmas. Faces looking more like their owners are about to sneeze than attempting to smile? (like a Joan Rivers clone).

Seems to me people are often having these “elective” surgeries done just to look like someone they aren’t. Makes me wonder is it vanity, insecurity, or simply “in Vogue”? Maybe just because they can? Whatever it is, I ponder, does anyone really need to look like the newest TV star or fashion model? Is it that important to look “young”? To appear as if mother nature has suddenly “endowed” everyone with the same pert nose, wrinkle-free face, uplifted bosom or butt?

 How much real thought do people put into this before they “elect” to go under the knife for appearance sake? Just thinking about going “under the knife” is enough to stop me! Even more, it’s the fear of Not coming out from under that knife (or the anesthesia). I’ve read so much about poor results from “elective” surgeries that I’m thinkin’ maybe elective surgery patients should be more (s)elective?

 Maybe it’s just that I’m just lucky not to feel the need to look like someone else? (not that those thoughts never crossed my mind) I think we all have them occasionally when we see all those good looking movie and TV stars? Alas, a lack of nerve (and money) has kept those envious thoughts at bay for me.

 I don’t know about you..., the only elective surgery I plan to undertake will be in the fall. Putting the politicians under the knife, not me.

Cal Teeple, fulltime member of the Observational Cogitation Consortium often found three stools down from you (he still looks like himself) and may be ignored, accosted or contacted at: twinews@wayneindependent.com.