By now most folks from the area have driven up and down the (new and improved) one-way Main and Church streets.
 Actually that’s not an accurate statement. You haven’t really driven “up and down” both streets (Or both directions, I hope?). First, they’re level, so you can’t drive “Up and Down” ‘em. Second, it’s darn near impossible to drive in more that one direction at one time.
 I know, I can almost hear some of ya thinkin’.... Comes a cold, dark night in mid-February, and that patch of black ice can sneak right up on you (under you?)!  That’s not proper English either is it? That ice doesn’t sneak up on you at all. In actual fact, you drive out there, where it innocently lies in wait.
 You’re zippin’ along some road out in the country mindin’ your own business, maybe admirin’ the moonlight sparklin’ off the snow drifts.
 When suddenly that road transforms into a long, skinny skating rink! All of a sudden your car acts a horse, taking on a mind of it’s own! You’d swear you can drive in several directions at one time! In reality, longer you tarry there doing the old “slip ‘n slide” (scream inside) maneuvers? You’re not driving at all! You’re honing your survival skills.
  Back to the story.
 It’s never made sense to me calling a street or road “one-way” anyway, it’s  redundant (like much of my writin’). I mean we can only drive  “one way”.
 Hmm, come to think of it? There are people who manage driving more than one way at a time, some of the time. Hot rodders spinning their car sideways leaving the red light. Or drivers doin’ “donuts” showing off for the other kids (sometimes middle aged kids).
 Then there are the drunks. Who can on occasion, manage to drive up, down, around, sideways (even backwards) all at the same time! Sounds scary to you and me? But if you really think about, it’s not. Ninety-nine percent of the time you and I aren’t present to see ‘em do it. We just read about it in the papers.  
 So for most of us, one way at a time pretty much describes the direction we drive.
 Still sounds wrong to me when we say “up and down” streets (that are level). In reality we actually drive On, Along  (maybe “upon”?) streets. Traveling “up or down” only when there’s some elevation involved.
 I’d bet that terminology came about in olden days from people who lived way up in the hills. Maybe some place like Equinunk? Where having one leg shorter than the other can be considered (more or less) normal. It is not hereditary! It comes from growing up standing on side-hills all your life (helps if ya turn around a lot).
 Lost my way again!
 So I glanced back up at the headline, just to get my bearings. But you know what? That headline sounds like an old game we’ve all played (not my story).
 And I didn’t start out to talk about which direction we’ve been driving along the new “one-way” streets in town (or out of town for that matter). I have no idea how winter and ice or kids and drunks (or Equinunk!) snuck in here either.
 I think the headline was ‘spose to be; “Beast, Quest, or 6east”?
 Referring to the new “signage” scattered here and there on the pavement approaching the new one-way street intersections. Not the Overhead signs. They’re ok, but I believe (hope) some of ‘em are still missing?
 I mean only the ones On the pavement. Now they’re what I started out to talk about! Because they drove me crazy (doesn’t take much).
 I wasn’t sure what the heck they said (read?) those first few days. I drove over ‘em, but I couldn’t decipher ‘em!! Mighta been the cataract surgery I’d underwent just before they showed up?
 Finally, after several slow trips to study ‘em (backin’ up traffic) I managed to interpret ‘em! 
 6 East (or 6 west) ...! Oh, Now I got it. They’re meant to be directional aids!?! 
 Somebody down at highway headquarters (with a sense of humor) must have thought it was cool to “jam” those letters and numbers all together in a little clump? Not even a “hyphen” between letters and numbers! Brilliant! (bet their still laughin’).
  Might just be humorous, when you figure those “Directions” were put there primarily for out-of-towners (an’ half-blind locals) attempting to navigate the new roadways?
I hope they fix them! And put up some more overhead signs that might remain visible (and readable).
I Don’t Know About You..., If PennDot doesn’t fix ‘em? At least snow will cover ’em!
 Cal Teeple still found three stools down. And At: www.wayneindependent.com/cal Or At: calteeple@gmail.com Founder of the Observational Cogitation Consortium, he may be ignored, accosted or contacted in all three.