In our harried world cell phones have become almost ubiquitous (wish that meant extinct). Seems near everyone has one lurking in a pocket or purse.Then there are the real flashy individuals who have their communication contraption growing right out of their ear! I can’t help but think “droid” whenever I see one of those. Secretly hopin’ a cyborg will lunge into the room and laser ‘em to pieces right on the spot.
 I gather people want to appear or feel important? Havin’ ‘em installed in their cars. Factories putting them right in the dashboard, so you can be “up to date” soon as you drive off the lot. Causes me to ponder, are these specious, little technological wonders becoming todays’ symbols of manhood (on display)?  Some guys even dangle theirs from those cute little belt holders.
 Time was when belt holders actually held something useful, like a good sharp pocket knife or tool? I mean, six shooters (or Bowie knife) were all the rage once upon a time. They were replaced somewhere along the line with a working mans toolbelt? I’m thinkin’ they still may emphasize a mans “manliness” in some circles? You know, those dwindlin’ circles of men who do actual physical work building an’ fixin’ things. Now cell phones, ipods, and other electronic gismos are rapidly taking over the “fashionable” spotlight?
 I shouldn’t complain about ‘em, got one myself 3~4 years ago. Strictly for “emergency” use you understand. I haven’t had an emergency. I have used it to (try) and place a call a handful of times. Mostly I just put it on the charger, carry it in my coat pocket and listen to people yell at me, ‘cuz it’s never turned on. Somehow the thought of bein’ constantly “connected” unnerves me.
 Protracted cogitation has revealed two things cell phones do best!
 First, is showing people that their company isn’t good enough? Nine times out of ten when there’s a group of people out in public, someone amongst ‘em will be usin’ a dadgum cell phone! Clearly communicating to the other folks physically present that their company isn’t good enough. Obviously, only the person on the other end of the phone conversation is good enough. Why didn’t that person come along?!
 Second thing they’re best at is annoying (anyone not using one). I say “using” ‘cuz ya don’t even have to be talkin’ on one to annoy us innocent folks!
 I went to the picture show the other night (saw the new Batman picture, very good!). I rarely go to the movies because I seldom deem ‘em worth the cost. And because nowadays there is always one moron (or more) who not only leaves their cellphone on, but is inconsiderate enough to use it during the show!
 I was quite concerned as the theater filled up. As I feared, mostly teens and twenty somethings (cellphone junkies). Sure enough as we waited (movie started 23 minutes late!) six or eight cellphones came out (corroboratin’ #1 above). Then, surprise! As the houselights dimmed, the phones slipped out of sight and not one rang during the show! Cool!
But I had forgotten about that insideous SBD (silent but deadly) version of mindless cellphone use, “text messaging”!
 The young feller next to me began to turn his (brightly lit) phone on and off. First I hoped maybe he was checkin’ the battery or just seeing if he’d missed an important call? But no, it slowly dawned on me, he was “texting” someone! Every few minutes that bright little screen light would flicker to life! Then he’d surreptitiously poke at the keyboard fer awhile.
This went on throughout the whole first act. It was pretty annoyin’. Me sufferin’ from photophobia (light sensitive eyes) combined with the movie scenes being mostly dimly lit. My ole peepers kept tryin’ to refocus after each new glare from his screen. I hesitated to ask him to leave the durn thing off and (let me) enjoy the ($8.50!) picture show. But...,
 Eventually I (gleefully) hit upon a solution! Everytime he lit it up, I’d casually tilt my head and (appear to) observe his display. Wearin’ my bi-focals, I couldn’t read it, but He thought I could! The minutes passed as he tried various ways (unsuccessfully) to shield it from my gaze. Exasperated, he finally put it away for good!
 Funny how such little devices are such big annoyances. Upon leaving the theater he gave me a vaguely annoyed look? I smiled innocently and nodded my head.
 I Don’t Know About You..., but I believe he actually thought I was the rude one?
 Cal Teeple, founder of the Observational Cogitation Consortium is still found three stools down. But can now also be ignored, accosted or contacted on the internet at: wayneindependent.com/cal.